Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
