I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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