So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
