when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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