i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
