pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
