did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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