Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
