I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
