TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
