Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
