Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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