my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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