If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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