I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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