Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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