it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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