ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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