Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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