So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
