glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
where are you?
Hypothermia
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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