doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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