ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
