I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I could fuck to npr.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
