Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
