i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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