drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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