I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
