she was so not down for the gang bang
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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