just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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