why didn't you poke me back
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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