I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
