i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
