hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
