Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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