Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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