i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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