You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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