Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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