my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
