she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
