i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
