thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
