My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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