Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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