WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
