My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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