Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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