Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize