I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
