He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
