dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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