You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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