Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
