Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
