YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
