Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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