I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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