last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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