We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
