it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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