I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
