My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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