I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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